Contradictory
I am a mess of contradictions. Part of me wants to be an artist but the other part wants to be an accountant. I love the logic of accounting, there are no questions, no grey areas. Just fill this in here, here and here, and you are good to go. Well, I’ve never actually been an accountant of course and I’m sure it’s much more complicated then that, but you get my point, I hope. In high school, when they had those tests you could take to help determine a career path, mine was useless. It’s supposed to help you figure out if you are more suited to an indoor job or an outdoor job, a creative job or an organized/logical type job, hands on work or paperwork, that kind of thing. And the problem is, I’m a little bit of all of those, but not enough to counteract the others. You average out all my numbers and I am, um, average. Middle of the road. My creative side is counteracted almost perfectly by my logical side. I am the most unorganized organized person you know. The most boring, constrained creative person you know.
Which is why I love what I do for my day job. Underneath it all, my job is very formulaic. Do this, this, this and this and at the end of it, you have created this for your client. However, there is just enough personal input, exceptions to the rules, questions that arise or just plain problems that occur to keep that from getting boring. I could sit at my desk and not get up for hours at a time, but I rararely do. Instead, I’m able to get up constantly to go deal with issues and figure them out and see them for myself and then go back to my desk. It can be frustrating of course, when nothing seems to be going right or it feels like I can’t sit at my desk for more than five minutes without getting interrupted, but overall the balance works out. And that’s what I need, it’s how I allow myself to be both creative and logical, organized and spontaneous, etc.
Which brings me to writing. What could be more creative then writing a book? After I had written my first two manuscripts, I found writers. What a relief! I knew, of course, that there were other people out there doing it, but I had a difficult time finding those who were writing and wanted to talk about it online, until I found Romance Divas. So I started to learn that some people plot out their stories and some people just fly by the seat of their pants. I clearly fell into the latter category because I basically had the first scene of the first ms (manuscript) in my head and started writing, with no idea what I wanted the rest of the book to be about. The more I wrote the more I understood what my characters were doing. Sometimes I would have to stop and say, ok, what now? A lot of times I had to backtrack and fix things, or leave a note for myself that I had to go back and make some changes. At one point I had no clue what should happen next so I started writing something else. But my characters got antsy and called me back and I was able to finish the first ms.
Sounds good, right? Many writers are proud to be pansters and it works for them and they don’t want to have anything to do with plotting. Many writers can’t start writing until they have a complete outline, character studies, etc. And of course, there are those who have found a solution somewhere in between, the middle of the road that should be ideal for me, right? Create a simple outline of what I want to happen, but give myself permission to change it up however I want. So I tried to outline something I’d started working on. Yeah, didn’t work, not even a little bit. I could write down a basic idea of how I wanted things to start but had no idea what should happen next. Completely stumped. Ok, characters. I figured they’re the ones who usually get me going, telling me what should happen next, so if I examine my characters, really figure out who they are, I’ll know what should be happening to them and around them, and then I can make it happen. Yeah, no. Once again, total blank. Which would be fine if I was happy being a pantser, except I really believe I would be a better writer if I could do some basic plotting.
Now that I know how I think it should be (for me) – basic plot outline and some character development, then write whatever I want feeling free to change as I go – I can’t seem to go back to what worked before. So, I’m sort of stuck. I know what I want but it’s causing me to draw complete blanks. So, I haven’t been writing. I let myself get caught up in the details of the book that is coming out next week, rather than doing what I knew I should be doing, which is concentrating on the next book, and the next. And of course, once I got away from the habit of writing, the harder and harder it is to get back to it. And I let real life get in the way, too, sucking all my will and energy away from the discipline of just sitting down and writing, which is sort of funny to me because last year it was real life that drove me to start writing. See, contradictory. So, here I am, knowing exactly what I’ve been doing and knowing that the only way to fix it, the only way to figure out my personal balance between plotting and pantsing is to do it and do it a lot. Practice, practice, practice. And that’s what I’m going to do. Really. Soon.
After I read these books. Just kidding, but even though this post is already nearly book length, I can’t go without offering a couple of new releases.
College student Alex is entirely out of his element, thrust from his safe circle of tightly knit family and friends into a world where he feels out of place and alone, until he meets the beautiful artist Joshua, who develops a swift and overwhelming obsession for Alex.
Still learning to deal with his own sexuality, Alex is confused but intrigued by the bold man who calls Alex his muse and finds himself falling under Joshua’s spell and into his arms. Alex wants true love without the sacrifice. Joshua wants his muse and everything else Alex has to offer. Can they find their balance and a lasting happiness?
This obviously hard working author has three releases right now. I’ll put the first one in the series up here, but be sure to check the links for books two and three.
Realm Immortal 1: King of the Unblessed
Realm Immortal 2: Faery Queen
Realm Immortal 3: Stone Queen
Michelle M. Pillow
Merrick, dark elfin King of Valdis, had once been heir to all that was good—happiness and pleasure his domain. Now, trapped as the ruler of mischief, king of necessary evil, he stands on a precipice of choice. On one side, his estranged brother, now ruler of what should have been Merrick’s and, on the other, King Lucien of the Damned. Both would sway him. Damnation is winning.
Lady Juliana of Bellemare is from a human family, protected by the Blessed, coveted by the Damned. Betrothed to an old friend of her father’s, Juliana is resigned to living out her days close to her childhood home, longing for an adventure, never dreaming she’d get what she wished for. When her fiancé is murdered and the children of Bellemare are stolen, Juliana is sent on a quest in a strange realm where appearances are deceiving.
Merrick brings more adventure and passion than any woman could want. Can she withstand the temptations of the Unblessed king? The spell she weaves over him is more than he can resist and, desperate to be the one to rule her, Merrick offers her a choice; either come with him until he tires of her…or die.
